So much has happened...
Wow...
It's been more than 6 months since my last post.
Since then, I've had three months' worth of counselling, and we're now on the path to becoming adopters. I'll try and re-cap as best I can.
December 2006 to March 2007
I had a bit of a breakdown in early December. Basically, I questioned the whole point of my existence, and attempted to commit suicide. It was a pretty low point in my life.
It may not be surprising that my wife and I had a serious heart-to-heart. In that episode, I realised that the whole infertility thing was affecting me far more than I had probably let on. I believed that I had exorcised my issues by writing this blog, and that everything was hunky dory. Clearly I was delusional.
My wife's colleague gave us the name and number of a Psychotherapist with whom she had trained. I have considered counselling before, and isn't it ironic that a Psychology graduate should have problems managing mental issues? Like I've told my wife on numerous occasions, and other people who learn that I have a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, I'm not a therapist, and my degree didn't prepare me to be one.
Perhaps my biggest obstacle is that I feel I should be able to sort out my own problems. Call it pride or whatever, but to seek the help and guidance of a therapist is tantamount to admitting mental weakness. But with this episode, I really scared myself, and it's not everyday that you learn that you are infertile. So I called, and arranged my first appointment.
I honestly didn't know what to expect. We talked about the circumstances leading to my 'episode', and then about my feelings of infertility. It's very strange talking about very personal things with a complete stranger, yet I remember feeling very positive and refreshed afterward, like I had lifted a great weight off my shoulders. I was noticeably happier.
I met weekly with the therapist for counselling weekly thereafter, skipping a few weeks here and there due to Christmas and my work commitments (oh and a period of snowy weather). But it really helped me discover some of the root causes of my feelings. It even led to a confrontation with my Father, which was unexpected, but empowering, and has created a more evenly weighted relationship between us. It has led me to be more open with my wife, and to cherish her more dearly; indeed to try and lighten up and live a little, and not take things so seriously (but it's a work in progress, just ask the Mrs.!). I think I can persevere with that.
It's been more than 6 months since my last post.
Since then, I've had three months' worth of counselling, and we're now on the path to becoming adopters. I'll try and re-cap as best I can.
December 2006 to March 2007
I had a bit of a breakdown in early December. Basically, I questioned the whole point of my existence, and attempted to commit suicide. It was a pretty low point in my life.
It may not be surprising that my wife and I had a serious heart-to-heart. In that episode, I realised that the whole infertility thing was affecting me far more than I had probably let on. I believed that I had exorcised my issues by writing this blog, and that everything was hunky dory. Clearly I was delusional.
My wife's colleague gave us the name and number of a Psychotherapist with whom she had trained. I have considered counselling before, and isn't it ironic that a Psychology graduate should have problems managing mental issues? Like I've told my wife on numerous occasions, and other people who learn that I have a Bachelor's degree in Psychology, I'm not a therapist, and my degree didn't prepare me to be one.
Perhaps my biggest obstacle is that I feel I should be able to sort out my own problems. Call it pride or whatever, but to seek the help and guidance of a therapist is tantamount to admitting mental weakness. But with this episode, I really scared myself, and it's not everyday that you learn that you are infertile. So I called, and arranged my first appointment.
I honestly didn't know what to expect. We talked about the circumstances leading to my 'episode', and then about my feelings of infertility. It's very strange talking about very personal things with a complete stranger, yet I remember feeling very positive and refreshed afterward, like I had lifted a great weight off my shoulders. I was noticeably happier.
I met weekly with the therapist for counselling weekly thereafter, skipping a few weeks here and there due to Christmas and my work commitments (oh and a period of snowy weather). But it really helped me discover some of the root causes of my feelings. It even led to a confrontation with my Father, which was unexpected, but empowering, and has created a more evenly weighted relationship between us. It has led me to be more open with my wife, and to cherish her more dearly; indeed to try and lighten up and live a little, and not take things so seriously (but it's a work in progress, just ask the Mrs.!). I think I can persevere with that.
posted by Benchimus at
5/31/2007 12:11:00 pm
3 Comments:
Wow - quite a shocking update to see from you! I'm so glad you got some good help and appear to be on your way with a new plan. Best of luck with the adoption plans!
By
Shop Girl, at 4:37 pm, June 07, 2007
We went the adoption route (my husband is totally infertile) and a lot of what you're saying sounds very similar. If it makes you feel any better I was trained to be a social worker and I go to a therapist.
By
Happy, at 1:11 pm, June 10, 2007
I'm glad I came across your blog fom Trace above's link on her blog. Even though we do have sperm to talk of, we have been ttc for the pat near 15 years by all methods including IVF. Adoption here is a very slow process to say the least so we are looking into DI for now. I think that this blog may help my husband as he doesn't speak about the situation much, a man thing I guess. Hope you guys find success in which ever way you go. Good luck.
By
Hopeful, at 10:02 pm, October 19, 2007
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